God created us, man and woman, in His image. As men and women we are created to represent a duality in God that He has designed to be unified in covenant marriage. Man is not designed to be alone so God created a partner to sanctify him in a threefold relationship with Him. ¹² And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12) The Bible describe God’s design for marriage and also His desire for the role of the husband and wife as individuals to accomplish His bigger purpose. Each piece of God’s kingdom has a purpose that it cannot understand when isolated, but when it is woven into the tapestry that is God’s kingdom the beauty of the larger picture is undeniable. The same holds true in marriage. A spouse’s Christ-centeredness allows them to fulfill their God-designed role within the relationship. A couple with individual foundations in Jesus can grow together and support one another as opposed to requiring constant support from only their partner. Let’s look at the individual roles in marriage and how that shows itself to the world in a Jesus centered marriage.

           Men are called to be the head of their marriage. The requirement for that to function according to God’s will is his submission to Christ. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3). Submitting to Christ is following His example and making sure that your actions resemble the example Jesus gives to us. Men should be leaders with a heart that resembles Christ through submission to Him. This heart shows itself through gentleness, selflessness and understanding. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19) Men are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27) If read carefully this scripture shows that the husband can directly contribute to the sanctification of his wife through the love of Jesus their relationship. A woman under the spiritual covering of a Godly man can blossom into the woman God designed her to be. She can thrive in her beauty and bring that beauty into the world through her relationship with Christ and her husband.

           Women are the most important source of support through respect for their husbands. Women can shine the love of Jesus in their relationship through grace and patience in their marriage. Just as the Christian husband is called to submit to the Lord, the Christian wife is called to submit to a submitted husband. This may be viewed as weakness but it is actually a position of strength. Christ’s power is made perfect in what the world calls weak. The heart of a good man is softened by the grace and mercy of God shown through his wife. ¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. ¹² She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12) Having a Godly woman as an unconditional support creates passion and power in a man. A soft and safe place to land each day renews energy to face the next. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³ Do not let your adorning be external… ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:1-4) It’s through love that a wife can soften the heart of her husband made calloused by the attacks of the world, more so than any words.

                  The most beautiful part about God’s covenant is also the most difficult for humans to deal with. That part is the fact that one half depends on the other. Man’s ability to love and cherish is wife is made possible by her respect and support, and a woman’s respect and support hinders on her feeling loved and cherished. This is where a reliance on each person’s relationship with Jesus is so vital. His example of love was unconditional. While we were all still sinners He gave His life to redeem us. We did nothing to earn His love just like the actions of one spouse should not dictate the actions of the other. This is also where the selflessness of love shows its power. Nothing wins a heart like love that is undeserved and unconditional. If a man leads in love, his wife will support in love if both are centered in Christ. It is through a marriage founded in Christ-like love that we can always show God to the world. Children can see what the love of the Father looks like through their parents and these marriages become role models for the lives that the Lord allows them to impact. We are not meant to do this alone, and we don’t have to when each partner understands their role and what that looks like in the bigger picture designed by God. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

Brothers and sisters, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. ² Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2) People sometimes forget that even though we are married we are still brother and sisters in Christ. Bear the burden of your spouse and restore them in a spirit of gentleness. Let God and His love for you fuel a selfless and unconditional love that makes your marriage all that God desires it to be.